The holidays are supposed to be a time for joy and connection, but sometimes coworkers, or even family, say things that push your buttons. Whether it’s offhand comments or outright baiting, these moments can leave you feeling frustrated or even angry. Conversations can get uncomfortable, especially when someone knowingly or unknowingly says something discriminatory or offensive. It’s hard to know when to keep the peace and when to speak up. Some of us are even choosing to opt out this season, and that’s okay. Moments like these are an opportunity to lean into your values.
Should you choose to attend, there are ways handle these situations with grace and integrity—even when it feels like someone is trying to rile you up. It’s a sprinkle of empathy and boundaries, with a dash of I don’t give a f***, if you feel so inclined. Here’s how:
Pause, Don’t Pounce (Unless It’s Time)
Option 1: Stay composed. When you feel yourself reacting, take a beat. A quick pause can help you move from instinct (anger) to intention (clarity). “I understand that this is important you, and I value what you have to say, but in this instance I don’t agree.”
Option 2: Go all in. Say calmly, “Hold on, I need to stop you there because that’s not okay with me.” Pausing doesn’t mean you stay silent—it can also be a deliberate way to hold space for accountability.
Option 3: Tell them what’s good. “Let’s skip the back-and-forth. I’m here to have a good time, and stirring things up isn’t going to change anything. Let’s move on.”
Ask Thoughtful Questions
Option 1: Stay curious. Genuinely ask, “I’m curious—what makes you feel that way?” or I know you’re speaking from your experience, and I see it differently. “Have you thought about how that might come across to someone else?”
Option 2: Go all in. Challenge directly: “What you just said feels discriminatory to me. Can you help me understand why you think that’s okay to say?”
Option 3: Tell them what’s good: “That kind of comment doesn’t sit well with me. What’s behind that perspective?”
Call Out the Tactic
Option 1: Keep it light. Deflect with humor: “Wow, you’re really trying to get a rise out of me, huh? Nice try, but I’m here for the pie!”
Option 2: Go all in. Name it with respect: “It feels like you’re saying this to get a reaction. I think we’d have a better conversation if we focused on understanding each other instead
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of pushing buttons.”
Option 3: Tell them what’s good. “I see what you’re doing, and it’s not helpful. If you want to have a real conversation, I’m open to that—but I’m not playing this game.”
Set the Record Straight Without Overexplaining
Option 1: Stick to your values. Say, “I don’t see it that way, and I’ll leave it at that.”
Option 2: Go all in. Say, “I hear your perspective, and I strongly disagree. If you’re open to a real conversation, I’m happy to have it, but I won’t engage in arguments for argument’s sake.”
Option 3: Tell them what’s good. “That’s not okay with me, and I won’t pretend it is. If you’re trying to provoke me, it’s not going to work.”
Shift the Energy
Option 1: Redirect the topic. Steer the conversation somewhere neutral, like, “Speaking of strong opinions—did anyone else try that cranberry sauce? It’s definitely got people talking!”
Option 2: Go all in. Reframe the interaction: “It feels like this conversation is going in circles. Let’s focus on enjoying the time we have together—what’s been something good in your life lately?”
Option 3: Tell them what’s good. “This conversation isn’t helpful or kind. Let’s stop now and enjoy this time together instead.”
Protect Your Peace
Option 1: Take a graceful exit. Excuse yourself with, “I’m going to step away for a moment—I’ll check back in soon.”
Option 2: Go all in. Be direct: “I’m stepping away because I don’t feel this is a productive or respectful conversation. I hope we can move forward in a better way when we’re both ready.”
Option 3: Tell them what’s good. “This isn’t working for me. If we can’t have a respectful conversation, I’m going to take a break.”
When people try to rile you up, you don’t have to take the bait. Whether you choose humor, firm boundaries, or direct confrontation, you’re setting the tone for how you expect to be treated. And in doing so, you’re modeling courage, clarity, and respect for everyone else at the table.
Have you faced situations like this before? How do you handle them? It’s not easy! Let’s share strategies in the comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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